Accident jokes

My pee pee fell off.

Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?

Everywhere.

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

I wondered why the baseball was getting closer...

Then it hit me!

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.

Why did the cat cross the road?

To make a catastrophy on the road.

What's the difference between me and a bus?

I'm not on fire...

How to fall down the stairs:

Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.

Call me Kobe Bryant, cause I'm gonna helicopter out of this one.

"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”