Accident jokes
Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
I would tell jokes about Kobe, but they would just crash and burn.
What is red and very rare?
A child in a blender.
Me: *gets down on one knee*
Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!
Me: *falls over*
Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.
What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron!
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
My pee pee fell off.
Fall
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?
They both collapsed.
I'd tell you a Kobe joke.
But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.
Kids?
A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
So I added Paul Walker on Xbox the other day, and it’s annoying cause all he does is sit on the dashboard.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.