Accident jokes

What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?

Answer: He was left there hanging.

What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?

Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.

What did the helicopter say to the mountain?

Kobe.

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

What were Paul Walker's last words?

I dk probably "WATCH THE FUCKING TREE!"

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

How to fall down the stairs:

Step 1, 2, 3, 6, 10, floor.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!

Twin Towers? No plane, plane targets.

What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?

You would be dam unlucky.

Presidents are normal, physically.

Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.

Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?

Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?

They both have torn rotators.