Accident jokes

Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

What is the difference between women and cars?

At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he got hit by a car.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?

They both have torn rotators.

My wife told me to treat her like a princess, so I got drunk and drove through the tunnel.

Fall

Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.

Oh wait, I forgot.

What's the worst part about burning your vegetables before dinner?

Explaining what happened to the nursing home while you're hungry.

Presidents are normal, physically.

Biden: Trips over a f***ing stair.

Twin Towers? No plane, plane targets.

What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?

You would be dam unlucky.

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.