(everyone on titanic) ahhhhhhhhhhhhh the ship will sink!!!! (person washing hands) im using the sink wait your turn!!!!! (all crew members laugh) hahahhahahahahah.
a truck carrying vicks vaporub overturned on the highway, amazingly there was no congestion for 8 hours strait
I would tell a 911 joke but it would probably crash and burn.
The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Helicopter, Helicopter Kobe Bryant in my chopper Sitting next to burning daughter Lots of smoke and little laughter
Why did the girl fall off the swing ... because she had no arms or legs
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, "No, shes upstairs with Uncle john" "Uncle john? i don't know an Uncle John." "no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy" "no i'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family." "Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally. "Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now." "Okay daddy!"
*long pause*
"Okay daddy! I did it!' "Great job Sally! What did she says?"
"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."
then dad replies "Swimming pool? we dont have a...is this 468-1843?"
"How was your day?" "It was great" "what was so great about it?" "i saw a puppy" "awww" "and i ran over it :)"
Today Me and My Best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge and i told him to back up, R.I.P to him.
Bill? Bill?" bill hears faintly in the distance. Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.
I hit something when i pulled into my driveway. and then i noticed that my cat was missing.
Why did I trip over your foot ...? .... Because you were so short I couldn’t see you !
They never told us humpty was a egg. A man died then!
What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?
Kermit in a car crash.
What's the difference between covid and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident and the media blaming it on 9/11.
I Saw A Helicopter On January 26, 2020 Then Kobe Was On The News
kids
we destroyed 2 boats, AND THEY DROPPED THE SUN ON US TWICE
I wasnt close to my dad when he died.
which was good, he died to a landmine.
When your parents say we are sorry that you are here what do you think of that. I THINK THAT YOUR AN ACCIDENT!
