Accident jokes

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."

Why did the cat cross the road?

To make a catastrophy on the road.

If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?

The brakes, you sick bastard.

What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

He turns, he shoots!

And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...

I never forget my grandpa's last words.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?

He shot a Ginger.

Q: What's yellow and floats?

A: A bus full of children.

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

Today is sad. My sister got hit by a car, and I lost my license as a driver.

Last night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.

A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”

The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”

The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”