Accident jokes
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?
You would be dam unlucky.
What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron!
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
Once upon a time... Chuck Norris stepped on a Lego. R.I.P. the Lego piece.
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
A penis is driving a car when all of a sudden it gets hit by a car, what did the penis end up saying?
Aaaawwwww I got dicklash!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
What's the difference between me and a bus?
I'm not on fire...
Where did Sally go when the explosion happened?
Everywhere!
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!