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Accident

Accident jokes

Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.

Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.

I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"

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    • Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

    Me dozing off while driving.

    Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.

    One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."

    Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."

    Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."

    So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."

    And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."

    Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."

    I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.

    So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

    When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

    So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

    I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

    What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

    You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

    What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?

    Kermit in a car crash.