New Accident Jokes - Page 27 - Worst Jokes Ever

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

I got in a car crash with a dwarf one day. He came storming out, and glared at me. I lowered my window and called out, "So, I'm guessing you're not happy?"

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?

Kermit in a car crash.

Fatty and Skinny sitting in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.

You get paper cuts on each eye and walk off a cliff.

He got a paper cut and bled out.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.

When the speedbump in a school zone screams, so you go faster.

I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.

I still remember my grandpa's last words.

"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"

Q. What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

A. A seatbelt.