Accident jokes
I thought it was polite to open the door for a lady, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.
What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?
Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
Yo mama is so pretty, she could get in a car crash because boys are staring at her.
What’s yellow and can sink a bus full of kids?
Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.
Oh wait, I forgot.
Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.
I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.
But it would just crash and burn.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"
When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.