Accident jokes
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"
When Peter Pan jumped off the Twin Towers, what happened? He Neverland.
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. š
Q: When does a pentagon have four sides?
A: When it's intersected by a plane!
What is black and at the top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
What's black and at the top of the staircase? Stephen Hawking after a house fire.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
I learned my dad got into a car crash this morning.
And my driver's license got revoked too.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
What's Kobe's favorite song?
"Helicopter Helicopter"
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didnāt wear a seatbelt.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
Why did the man fall into a well? He couldnāt see that well.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.
Two people wanted pepperoni pizza... Sadly, they got planes.
Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.