Accident jokes
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.
I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Why did the blind man fall down a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
A man walked into a fleshlight and died.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Why did James fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.