Accident jokes
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
How do you get my neighbor out of their tree?
You untie the rope.
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
A man walked into a fleshlight and died.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Why did James fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
Why did Gemma fall off her bike?
She got hit by a fridge.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
Why did Paul Walker cross the street?
Because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
What's small, has no dad, and looks like Bugs Bunny?
Ben after he trips over the giant curb!
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
Kids?
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."