Worst Jokes Ever
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?
They both have cutting marks.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
I wish my hair was depressed.
Cause then it would cut itself.
Fletcher is not a lesbian. He is also not an Asian. He is also definitely not an accident.
What did Melania ever see in Donald Trump?
$2 billion and high cholesterol.
how do you fit 4 gay guys on a stool?
you flip it over.
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.