Worst Jokes Ever

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.

Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...

I can’t stand jokes about Germans.

They’re the wurst.

Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?

Because there were no more planes.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

What do you call a Japanese car thief?

Tommy took a motor.

The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.

Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

"Say what you want about the deaf."

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.