Worst Jokes Ever
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll.
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
What's a popular name in China? Curiosity, because curiosity killed the cat.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?
One has water; the other one doesn’t.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
You know how to get 10,000 followers? Run through Africa with a bottle of water.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
Kid: Hey, what’s black and sneaky!
Social studies teacher: Harriet Tubman.
Why did the scientist want to take off his doorbell?
Because he wanted to win the no-bell prize.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.