Worst Jokes Ever

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

By rearranging the furniture.

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.

None of these are even funny. Just stupid.

Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....