Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Say what you will about pedophiles. At least they drive slowly through school zones.

What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in your dirty laundry!

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:

"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

What do Christians and gays have in common?

They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.

The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.

But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!

When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.

What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?

Walking.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

They don’t want to be mistaken for a feminist.