Worst Jokes Ever
"Hippity hoppity, women are my property."
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The bartender asks him why.
And the pirate says:
"Argh, It's driving me nuts."
The secret to dark humor is the delivery... oh wait, the baby was stillborn.
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
What had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
What's the difference between a feminist and Kim Jong Un?
Kim Jong Un has rights.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?