Worst Jokes Ever
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
Location is in London by the way.
One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.
His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
Teacher: What month is it?
Quiet kid: AUG-ust.
Classroom: Visible concern.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the check.
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
My mom said to take out the trash bags, so I did. And the next day, my mom asked, "Where are your sisters?" I said, "In line to get crushed."
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
A kid with hallucinations and cancer is on a Jeopardy game show.
"What's behind curtain #1... YOU HAVE WON..... CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
What do Cavemen poop in?
A Neander stall.
"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
Why did the silly boy take the Christmas tree to a barber?
Because his mother said it needed to be trimmed.
What do you call numbers that don’t stay in place?
Roamin’ Numerals.
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”
But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.