Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys? He was playing by ear.
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
Why is it that when I'm in school doing PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but the moment I say "blacks against whites" I'm the bad guy?
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
Friend 1: What's your favorite drink or food?
Friend 2: Pizza.
Friend 3: Donuts.
Friend 4: I don't eat food but I do drink bleach.
Friend 1: (calling the suicide hotline)
Friend 2: (Calling the parents)
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
I'm hertophobic -
aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.
What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?
Answer: disappearing acts.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
Why are feminists jealous of men?
Because men don't have to stand up to piss.
Why are feminists always against men?
Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.