Worst Jokes Ever

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

By rearranging the furniture.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

Do you know why I hate pedophiles?

They are fucking immature kids!

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?

I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well, it was more of a wrap.

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?

Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.

I was in a public bathroom in a handicap stall, and when I got out, a handicapped man told me that I was an a**hole. I told him, "Bet you won't stand up and say that to my face," and then he broke down.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....