Worst Jokes Ever
What's the difference between a mole and an eagle?
They both live underground, except for the eagle.
What do you call a waterfowl looking at you from around a corner?
A Peking duck.
Why was the duck arrested?
Because it was caught selling quack.
What looks like half a cat?
The other half.
"Among Us."
How do you keep a blind kid entertained?
You take him to a stadium crowd, then give him a bat and tell him to hit the piñata.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?
"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Science flies you to the moon, while religion flies you into two towers.
The Twin Towers were like a woman stuck in the washer machine. They both got freed.
What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?
One you can unscrew.
Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
What's sticky and brown? A stick!
A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".
What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.
My career is worth more than your adoption.
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
I have (I HAVE) bolas.