The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
Why did the rapper carry an UMBRELLA?
Because he heard there was a 50% chance of "Lil Wayne."
How many shades of gray does it take to make a dirty movie?
50.
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Family are together playing charades.
Me: "50 Shades of Grey!" Yes, I'm so good at charades! Put your shirt back on, Nan!
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍
What is 50 Cent's least favorite store?
The dollar store.
What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.
I charge 50 bucks a suck.
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gauge shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun. He said, "You're crazy!" I responded, "Quackers."
Watching "50 Shades of Grey" was more painful than my uncle fisting me as a kid.
9/11
This is so sad, can we hit 50 likes?!
Me: *Calls friend* "Dude, I just fell off a 50-foot ladder!"
Friend: "Bro, you ok?!"
Me: "Yeah, lucky I only fell off the first step!"
