You're jokes
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back?
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
I'm not saying you're ugly, but you're the reason God created miscarriages!
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
Your mom is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
You use your legs as support, you count on your fingers.
Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"
Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Why did you go depressed?
Because you’re you.
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.
Your hairline goes so far back, the dinosaurs saw it before you did.
A black lady goes inside the drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you carry tampons?" Then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "Do you want the mini pads or the maxi pads?"
And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"
And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"
And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."
Two boys came home for dinner late, and their mother asked, "Where have you boys been?" One of them replied with, "We were all over the neighborhood, we're mailmen now." Their snobby teen sister said, "Well, you're not real mailmen, real mailmen use real letters." Then one of the boys said, "Actually, we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed."