You're jokes
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."
The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
What's the difference between Clint Eastwood and anal sex?
One will make your day, and the other will make your hole weak.
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Like if you can relate
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
Your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter than it.
Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
What's the difference between a good TV show and a gay man?
One makes your day and one makes your whole week.
When the school shooter breaks into your classroom, so you try to say goodbye to your Roblox gf, but then the shooter's phone goes off.
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Two wind turbines were standing on a hill.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The other one says, "I'm a big metal fan."
Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.