You're jokes

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"

Friend #2: "Apples"

Me: "I can hang myself in them."

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers. : )

Lil Jimmy: Hey doc.

Doctor: Hi, sorry but I can’t see you anymore.

Lil Jimmy: Why?

Doctor: Because, Lil Jimmy, I’m a family doctor, you're an orphan.

Lil Jimmy: 👁👄👁🖕

Who needs April 1st if your whole life is already a lie?

If you're bored, joke about an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.

My life is so sad it's because you're in it.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

Control tower to Boeing 747, you're clear to land on (said person)'s forehead.

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!

New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: Damn.

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Students: Your parents!

I asked, "Where are your parents?" and oh god, I love working at an orphanage.

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"