You're jokes
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep.
Roses are red, Burnt bodies are black.
You'd look great With a knife in your back.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
Bully: "Nobody loves you."
Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
What's the cool thing about bringing a pack of gum or a shotgun to school?
When you pull one out everybody wants to be your friend. :)
Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
My grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology." I said, "We will see about that," and I unplugged his life support.
Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.