You're jokes
When Bob the Builder looks at your hairline, he says, "We can't fix that."
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep.
What is killing your friend called?
A homie-side.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.
Bully: "Nobody loves you."
Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five, and suddenly everyone is yelling. Geez!
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
Your forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.
Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!
Your move, Ron DeSantis.
Your forehead's so big that it has its own gravitational pull.