You're jokes

If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?

Your nan's bald.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!

I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;

What is the difference between a priest and a zit? 👀 The zit waits till you are 13 to come on your face 🤧

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!

Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?

Why?

'Cause I’m digging that ass.

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...

You: Find a time clock that can change time.

Your friend the next day: Hey, can I borrow yo' house?

You: No, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my TIME!

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don't have to have that friend again.

What color is your Bugatti?

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.

You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

Your mama's so fat, when she jumps in the pool, the water jumps out!

Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?

Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?