You're jokes

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Cakatoo."

"Cakatoo who?"

"So, you're a Rooster now?"

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

A 28-year-old medical student is auctioning off her virginity online.

For $300K, you can have the worst sex of your life.

I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"

Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?

Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.

Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide? You can't do anything, he's already on line.

Bro, your hairline is still missing. Even Dora the Explorer can't discover it!

You were supposed to be born in the tree.

The sticks were your siblings.

Your forehead is so big someone thought it was a billboard.

Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.

You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?

Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...

Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.

What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?

A toothbrush.

What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.