You're jokes
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
How do you make an eight-year-old girl cry twice?
Wipe your bloody cock off on her favorite teddy bear after you’ve raped her.
If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."
i would do that
Boy, your forehead so big, I can make a launchpad on that shit!
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
When you tell your Roblox girlfriend you’re breaking up with her, and then 10 seconds later you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
I saw a lady in a bikini on the beach, so I walked up to her and said, "LET ME STICK MY DICK UP YOUR BIG ASS!"
Me and my friend were hunting ducks. He had a 12 gauge shotgun, and he looked over and I had a .50 caliber machine gun. He said, "You're crazy!" I responded, "Quackers."
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?
They moan louder than your speakers.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Utah.
Utah who?
You're talking to me.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
Friend: You're adopted.
Orphan: At least I was chosen!
Friend: At least I was kept.
When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.
The direction I'm looking.
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.