You're jokes

What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.

Roses are red, just like your lips.

Mountains are big, just like your tits.

It's important to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

Your nan's bald.

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

If you're going shopping at school, what color would I like to smell: True or False?

My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"

Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."

I apologise for this joke lmfaooo, and you have probably heard this banger before, anyways;

What is the difference between a priest and a zit? 👀 The zit waits till you are 13 to come on your face 🤧

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

What do you do when you hear your wife squirming around in the back yard?

Reload... chhchhhh.

You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!

Do you have a shovel in your back pocket?

Why?

'Cause I’m digging that ass.

Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

You looking for jokes? I have one: your life.

You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”