You jokes

One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?" Nathan says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dave says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr. Jones's class. Mr. Jones asked him, "Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mike says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill." Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr. Jones's lesson. Mr. Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, "Who are you and why are you late?" The new girl says, "Sir, I'm called Cherry Hill."

What do you call a Communist sniper? -- A Marxman.

When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."

Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."

Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"

"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.

So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"

Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.

You want to hear a dirty joke?

This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, you've told her twice.

Warning, this is dark.

How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch? Give 'em a Sandy Hook.

If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.

How do you know when an orphan is lying?

When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?

A Mexican't.

What do you call an orphan taking a family photo? A selfie.

I was going to log a pun about trees, but you wooden understand it.

A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "No, you'd never bring it back!"

What do you call an expert fisherman?

A "MASTER-BAITER".

What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

What do you call an orphan taking a picture with it's family?

A self-fie.