You jokes
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
What do you call a Muslim and an Arab in a plane?
Pilots, you racist fuckers!
What do you call a terrorist that can fly?
A dart.
What do you call a hung autist...
Dead.
"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?
Why can't you trust the atom? 'Cause they make up everything.
What do you call an emo dating another emo?
The suicide duo.
Roses are red, The forest is bushy, OMG did you just cum in my pussy?
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
I would tell you a joke about a clock, but it’s a waste of time! 😄😄
Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.
Actor: Really? What do I do?
Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?
"I'm stronger than you."
So I was at the store and I saw a pretty woman, and I said, "Hi."
Quickly, she said, "I am not interested. I have a husband."
And when I saw the woman again, she said, "I need help."
I said, "No, call your husband!" KARMA. 😂😜
I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
When you realize the person reading this is a clown.
When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland, what are you when you are IN the bathroom?
European.