You jokes
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
That moment when you have to ask your Chinese neighbor if he's seen your cat.
Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.
Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.
How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck? When you pull her pants, her ass.
What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?
For me, life.
PERIOD
Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?
Why are people disappointments? Because you are reading this.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"
What do you call an orphan? No home-o.
God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
How do you drown a blonde? You tape a mirror to the bottom of a 13-foot deep pool.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
What do you use to strap an eagle's nest together?
An eagle-lastic band!
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
What do you call a missing Indian woman?
Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van!
It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go, but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come.
We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! "Hey they want to party with us!" Timmy yelled over the whooping. "Party van!" I yelled.
Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said "P O L I C E” on the side.
We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. "Isn’t that right mommy?"
Are you a bullet?
*gets shot*
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.