You jokes
Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?
Bryce: What?
Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!
P.S. I'm a girl.
What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A pork chop.
"You look like Barney, I'm choking you too, and your face is turning all purple and blue!"
Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
You: What you doing?
I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Dear algebra,
I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
One volcano said, "Is that you, Qs? I am hot."
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.
What's the difference between a homo and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.
What do you call a disabled Chinese person?
Som Ting Wong.
Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?
Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.
You know you have twisted humor when you crack a smile when a Minecraft farmer says he separates the white sheep from the colored ones.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."