You jokes

Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.

Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”

Patient: “Give me the good news first.”

Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”

Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.

Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?

A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.

Did you know victims of 9/11 are fast readers?

They went down 100 stories in 4 seconds.

What two things can you never have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner!

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?

You were hit by a shockwave!

What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?

The cat says "me toooo!"

What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.

Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.

Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.

Dear Orphans,

I have a better orphanage for you. It's my basement :)

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie one shoe.

I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.

That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!