You jokes

What do you get when you put an ape's brain in a gorilla? A feminist!

You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.

How do you call a Goth with feelings?

Emomotional.

You know, 9/11 jokes aren't funny, they're just PLANE wrong!

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cell phone.

Girlfriend's ex: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die.

Roses are red, violets are blue, When I take out the trash, I remember you.

What do you call a Chinese hooker that won't get on her knees?

Cantonese...

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?

You were hit by a shockwave!

What do you say when a cat says "me moaw"?

The cat says "me toooo!"

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

Did you know the "w" in Africa stands for water?

Doctor: “I have good and bad news.”

Patient: “Give me the good news first.”

Doctor: “Your test results are back and you have only two days to live.”

Patient: “That’s the good news? What’s the bad news?”

Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you for two days.”

Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.

Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.

There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.

Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.