You jokes
What do you call a tamal that's in a bed?
Tamaleto.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
What do you call a reverse exorcism?
It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.
Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Or,
"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"
Hello, I am the WJE (WORST JOKES EVER) Bot. Like this post if you think it's good; dislike if you think it's bad!
Memes
Who do you ask to wipe you? Your butler!
Roses are red, Tomatoes are redder. I think we both know, I like you better.
I would tell you a joke about 9/11, but it would come crashing down on you.
What do you call an Indian man stuck in a tree?
A leaf.
Yo mama is so ugly, Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix you!"
I hate you—if you look at the first letters of the words, you'll know what I mean.
Interfischl
Happy
Apple
Tea
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?
Man, you are really on edge.
What animal can't you trust with your homework?
A: A cheetah!
He: I am 60 and I have to slog 12 hours a day to make a living. Do you call it life?
She: I am 28 and still a virgin, do you call it life?
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
You know why the teacher punished Dairy Milk?
Answer: Because he was choco_'late' to school.
I did a walk today and had fun. Today, I did not have to go get my kids and get to my new house. 🏠 It was a good day. I had fun. I did a walk today. I had fun today, but I’m going to be at the car 🚘 when I’m at my car. 🚘 What time was your night time? What time did [you go to bed]?
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!