You jokes

If you are what you eat, then I’m black.

You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.

Child: But why?

Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.

Orphan: But why?

After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.

You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.

You're so skinny that if I were to put you on a flagpole, you would wave in the wind.

Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!

What happens when you put a baby in a blender?

The baby is a cherry smoothie.

Talking about planets with my nephew.

He asked if you could plow thru Uranus because it's all gas.

What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?

A puppy, you dirty monkey!

I was given an invisibility cloak by my grandfather, but it was stolen in 2013. After investigating this issue, I have come to the conclusion it was Robert Lewandisney.

That's why he was invisible in every big game since 2013. SHAME ON YOU LEWANDISNEY!

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.

Tell an emo, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.

Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.

"Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? You're adopted. Haley says she likes me more than you."

Like if you like dogs. Dislike if you like cats. Other animal? Tell me in the comments!

What did the calculator say to the student?

You can always count on me.

I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.