You jokes
What kind of birthday cake do you get on September 11th?
Three small ones, so you can have a flight of different cake flavors!
You are so ugly, when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.
Guy: Hi, how was your day today?
Woman: Good!
Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant*
Guy: How many months pregnant are you?
Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also, I’m not pregnant.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
A cow with no front legs walking around?
Beef stroganoff.
Memes
If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.
I ought to complain to Spotify for you not being named this week’s hottest single.
You are stupid!
Nana
What is 9 + 10?
21
You stupid!
If you ever get cold, just go to a corner because they're usually 90 degrees.
Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
What do you call a fly without wings? Dead.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Do you know why I finger women with my left hand?
Because they don’t deserve rights!
Some girls are like rocks.
You skip the flat ones.
You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.
What do you call an annoyed octopus?
Octopissy.
"Bill swift here, you make them, we take them!"
My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?
Divorced.
When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"
"What?"
"They both get thrown out."