You jokes
What do you call an emo friend group?
The Suicide Squad.
All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.
If I were in a staring contest with you, I would be looking at a rainbow.
What do you call a club that owls go to?
Hooters.
Why can you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
You know that if it says, "Adopt a Highway" and no one does, we're driving on orphans.
How do you confuse Helen Keller? You rearrange the furniture and glue doorknobs to the walls.
Why should you stay away from trees? - Because they wanna be leafed alone.
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
Katsuki Bakugou went into a bar and said: "Where is that damn nerd?!?". Everyone was confused.
Bakugou says: "Tell me where Deku is or I'll kill you!" He kills them all because they all have green hair.
I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.
My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Are you the Twin Towers? I can't stand you.
How do you annoy Pinocchio?
Ask him, "Do you always tell lies?"
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
What do you call a group of kangaroos? Gangaroos.