You jokes

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

What do you call a retard with AK special forces?

What do you call a guy named Kaiden?

I don't know, lol.

What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.

It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

What do you call inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.

"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.

"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"

"I'm a butcher," he says.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."

If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.

How do you turn a cat into a fish?

Tell your girl not to wash down there.

10/7 is probably a spinoff of 9/11.

You can't convince me otherwise.

What do you call a funny rapper?

A PUN-ISHER!

What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?

Miracle Whip.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

What do you call a rapper who's also a magician?

MC Presto.

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

What do you call a rapper who becomes a chef?

A LYRICAL COOK!