You jokes
What do you call a group of teenage emos?
Suicide squad.
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.
I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.
What do you call an elite bungee jumper? An emo kid.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
When you put the highest setting in the vibrator
What's white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
What do you and orphans have in common?
Nobody loves you.
Why can't you run through a campground?
Because it's "past tents!"
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap till their parents come home.
Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.
What do you call a legless table? Nothing.
How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?
A: Snowballs.
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make it clap until its parents come home.
Teacher: What's 55 flowers plus 67 flowers?
Kid: A garden?
Teacher: Did I tell you that you're adopted?
If you have a bad day, go tell an orphan to find his parents. He will be searching all day.