You Jokes

Fat

You’re so fat,

that your family moved to the other side of the U.S.A., but they still see you.

Dementia

You have a problem with jokes about dementia? That's funny, I don't remember asking.

Wood

An old man and a child are walking into the woods. Suddenly, they stop.

"Mister," the child says, "I'm scared, these woods are dark and creepy..."

The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

Panda

A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

Lawyer

What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A good start :)

Dad

Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

Years later:

Dad still did not come back.

Dinner

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

Time

How do you know someone is fucking dumb?

They put jokes that have been used several times already.

Criminal

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.

Cheese

Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie!

Skeleton

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

Math

You: What you doing?

I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!