You jokes
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?
Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.
What do you get when you beat up an autistic kid?
Mashed potatoes.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.
Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?
I hear they got six months each.
Mary is hanging out, and the angel Gabriel descends behind her. She looks behind her and says, "Jesus Christ!" and the angel Gabriel said, "So you already know."
How do you get an emo out of a tree?
You cut the rope.
If you don't like the video in 10 seconds, James Charles will sleep with you tonight.
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
I'll give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you.
Bully: You're a loser and fat.
Me: Shut up. The camera thought you were a house.
My mom said you failed school. I said, "Don't be surprised, I'm a retard, Mom."
Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*
Me: Uh, male?..
Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*
Me: You silly goose.
*Silence for like three seconds*
Me: Still male though-
Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.
Johnny: What?
Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?
Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!
Ex: Awhh!
Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!
What did the Chinese man say to his wife?
I'll chin you later.