You jokes
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
If you hit an Indian person on the forehead with a dart, is it considered a bullseye?
Memes
I dare you to smile like a donut. Did you do it?
Q: What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?
A: Cha-ching!
At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.
"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"
"Claustrophobic!"
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.
What do you call a black goldfish? A gigger.