You jokes
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.
What do you call a guy who loves to eat out a hoe's pussy?
Answer: a Carnivwhore.
What does Yoda say when he’s at the strip club?
"Dirty bitch, you are."
Did you hear Palpatine is sewing Nike?
Stole his slogan, just do it!
Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.
What do you get when you cross cow DNA with human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
What do you call a blowjob in Africa?
Breakfast.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
You look too old to be living with your grandma.
When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.