You jokes
How do you get away with rape?
I rate you a 9/11.
You get hit by a wave, but you don't get wet. Why?
You were hit by a shockwave!
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
Roses are red, violets are blue, if I had a brick, I’d throw it at you.
Millions of people are doing the exact same thing as you are right now.
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
Roses are red, violets are blue, in the middle of the day, give me money, you!
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?
TY-WON-SHO
(Tie one shoe)
Friend: Knock, knock.
Me: Who's there?
Friend: Short.
Me: Short who?
Friend: Short you!
Me: 🙁
Friend: 🤣
Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."
There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."
Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."
Priest, "How so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."
Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"
Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."
Then Matt walks out the door.
Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."
Boy: Hey! I love you...
Girl: Eww, you are so ugly.
*boy sent a pic of his dic*
Girl: Beauty doesn't matter in love.
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.
Love you baby :^
What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.
How do you stop a baby from drowning? pt. 2
-Harpoon it.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?
Person: Big black what?
Riddler: ...
Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.