You jokes
Yo mama so stupid, she ate the Apple phone you gave her.
You know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help!
You are like a software update. Whenever I see you, I immediately think, "Not now."
"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"
What do you call my friends?...
Short.
Like if you will sub to Patty Mahomes.
Comment if you will sub to Parker Finch.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
When you are being spoon-fed and your mum says, "Here comes the airplane."
What do you call a wheelchair on fire?..
Hot Wheels.
Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."
Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"
Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
So things are just too tiring to sort out... like which adoption center you should send your son to?
What do you call a man without a body and a nose?
What do you call Mordecai dressing up as a basketball player?
Blue Jay Simpson!
When life gives you lemons... call them yellow oranges and sell 'em for double the price!
What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
When was the last time you saw yourself in the mirror?