You jokes
Have you watched the show "Naked and Afraid"? Well, I play it every Saturday with my uncle.
Did you know that..
Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.
Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.
I bet you like men!
Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?
They always hang around.
This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.
If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"
Memes
If you kick an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents on you?
What do you call an accomplished opera singer with recurring gonorrhea?
Standing ovation!
Your forehead so big you got to go outside to think.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
Q: What do you get when the cow jumped over the barbed wire? A: Udder destruction!
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.
What do you call it when orphans take a family photo? A selfie!
Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"
Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."
"You is so black your mama fainted."
How do you call an autistic kid with a pistol?
Special forces.
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
What do you call mouse sneakers? Squeakers!
Are you a rope? Because I want to hang sometimes.