You jokes

We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair? (RC-XD)

You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.

What do you call someone who makes a joke about Bread society?

The Doughker.

Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: "You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code!"

You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?

"Happynese" (happy knees).

Your mamma so fat, Thanos clapped 4 times.

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.

Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?

'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.

What did the farmer say to the doll?

You death baby doll.

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?