You jokes

Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?

Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.

Guy 1: Don't you?

Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.

Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#

**Meow...**

Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef! XD

Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.

Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

Bro, why are you making an avalanche by that big forehead? No wonder why snow was found on Mars.

You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.

How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?

Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.

What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?

Strong to the finish.

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.

Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?

How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.

What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.

No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.

Explain Bear is always there for you.

You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.