You're so ugly that I choked and died.
You Jokes
Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."
The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."
I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!
Cashew, see, I'm nuts about you!?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
IBC.
IBC who?
I'll be seeing you later.
Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."
*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
What do you call Peg and Cat from Peg + Cat? Egg + splat.
Eggy joke for all to enjoy!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I hate you.
I hate you who?
You hate me?? Rude!
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
