You jokes
Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?
Can I push your stool in for ya?
Why shouldn't you let a Chinese person play baseball?
'Cause they'll eat the bat!
I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."
He said, "What do you want?"
I said, "To be your new father."
"Really??!" the orphan said.
Me: Lol, no.
Orphan *Jumps into street*
"Brown bear, brown bear, what do you see?" I see a blind man looking at me.
"Blind man, blind man, what do you see?"
Oh sorry, I forgot you can't see.
"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)
wow
Have you heard about the Pokemon called "rhy rhy rhyde" on deez nuts?
How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?
"No, you hang yourself first..."
*in the hospital*
Paralyzed kid: I'm out!
*walks out the room*
Blind kid: You can walk?!
Mute kid: You can see?!
Deaf kid: You can talk?!
Doctor: Wut the f**k?
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
How do you save your wife from drowning?
Take your foot off her neck.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.
What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.
Deja-poo.
The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.
Me: Hey, I’m your mom.
Orphan: Yay, you came back!
Me: Sike!
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.