You jokes
You know they're lying when they say, "My mom's picking me up."
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!
So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"
The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"
Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!
So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"
So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
Q: How can you tell if a Western is gay?
A: All the good guys are hung.
What do you call a baby potato?
Small fry!
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
What do you call a group of Daveons? A "daveon-ation."
One day you see a girl climb a pole and ask her, "Why are you climbing that pole?" "Because a boy paid me to." "He did that to see your underwear." "Oh. Ok."
The next day you see her do the same thing. "Why are you doing the same thing?" "Well, I got him this time. I did not wear underwear."
Sans: Zzzzzzzz.
Papyrus: SANS, WAKE UP!!
Sans: What is it, dude?
Papyrus: A human has fallen from the surface world!
Sans: And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em??
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Father, then the priest says, "Son, Holy Spirit, amen." No, I was asking you a question, Father.
Let's tell a secret about each other... I'll go first.
I
hate
you!
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?
TY-WON-SHO
(Tie one shoe)
How can you tell if your sister is on her period?
Your father's dick tastes funny.