If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
You Jokes
If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
Aren't my egg yolks amazing? Don't they make you crack up? If not, I better scramble!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued oh how I wish I was dead so that I no longer have to brood.
Death would be a reprieve as I would no longer have to be true, and I would no longer have to be around any of you.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
If sex with three people is called a "threesome" and sex with two people is called a "twosome," then I know why people call you handsome!
Do you want to hear a joke about pizza?
Wait, no. It's too CHEESY!
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
Do you know Warrior Cats?
I heard Hawkfrost is cold.
