You jokes
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
"Did you hear about the worst zoo in the world? It only had one dog in it. It was a Shih Tzu."
Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?
Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!
Memes
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
Why are disabled people screwed?
Because you can't run or hide!
Feeling stressed? Have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
You're so wonderful that Wonderland booked tickets to meet you!
You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
Wanna go to suicide school, then time travel to Hitler's bunker and ask him to teach you?
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
What do you call a baby Mexican? A paragraph because they aren’t a full essay.
Why shouldn’t you call people in China?
Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
Cheater, cheater, woman beater!
What do you do when your cat's dead?
Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.