You jokes

Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.

Teacher: Why are you late!

Girl: I need my beauty sleep.

Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.

You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?

A family portrait.

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

What do you call an orphan that takes a selfie?

A family portrait.

One day I met a blind guy and I said, "You should see Mt. Cheaha!"

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

What do you call a cat that walks slowly?

CATerpillar

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

What do you say after making fun of a disabled person?

"Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your toes."

What do you call it when two Mexicans fight?

Juan on Juan.

What do you call a one-legged Asian?

Tie Won Shoo.

My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)

Me: I know, you always are...

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

What do you call something that has 50 legs but can't walk? 25 disabled people!

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.