You jokes
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
You know how divers jump off a cliff and land in the water well...
Emos do that too, but when they jump, they don't land in the water.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
Q: What do you call a gang of emos?
A: Suicide Squad.
What do you call a blind photographer? A waste of money.
How is an emo kid’s wrist like Pink Floyd?
It’s all shitty until you reach the final cut.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh, you wanna die? I wanna die too!
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.
What did one tower say to the other? "Damn, you looking fly!"
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
What do you call a crippled man? Alex keating hahahahahahahahahahahh!
Are you a building?
Cuz I rate you 9/11.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.