I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
You Jokes
What do you call it when an orphan takes a picture?
A family portrait.
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
You go up to a bar and say, "Hi." He doesn’t look at you. You keep saying, "Hi." He says, "What?" Then you realize that he is the one that you stole his lady from, but then he doesn’t give you any drink. You say, "Why?" He screams at you and then says, "YOU'RE FIVE!"
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"
Ur mom.
Oh wait, you don't have one.
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
Snake one: Are we venomous?
Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?
Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
Do you know why you never mess with an orphan?
Because they’ve got guardians!
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
