You jokes
You heard of Spider-Man: No Way Home. Now get ready for:
Orphan: No Way Home.
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.
What kind of mask are you wearing?
An Elon Musk!
What do you call a Pakie with a wooden leg?
Shit on a stick.
What do you call an Asian in a wheelchair? Sum Ting Wong.
What do you call a bunch of white people on a bench?
The NBA.
I find all these obese jokes horrible.
Don't you think they have enough on their plate?
I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"
He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?
Soaked...
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
What happens when you mess with a farmer? You get the whole ranch.
Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?
Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?