You jokes
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
What do you call a white person from Africa?
Albino.
How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?
Tell them a joke to make them smile.
Memes
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
What do you call dogs dressed as dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Q. You know what really bugs me?
A. Insect puns.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?
Morgz.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.