You jokes

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

Did you ever walk into Steve Hawking's house?

"No."

He hasn't too.

What do you call a plane with no wings?

Sally.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What's the difference between a little boy and a freezer?

The freezer doesn't scream when you put your meat in it.

You have more chin than brain cells!

I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.

How do you know when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

Like if you know an orphan.

I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"

What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.

(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.

What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?

Names.

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter; he's not coming.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?

De-calf!

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

Vegans: Save the Earth.

Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!

Roses are red, I reload fast...

I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!

I was gonna make a joke about sex, but you won’t get it.

What do you call the White House when a woman becomes President? A stable.