Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
You Jokes
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone that knows you.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
What do you call a premature Chinese baby birth? Wong Tai-Ming.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, when The Oh Hellos saw you they said "Shoo!"
Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Toast is like parents.
If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
