You jokes
When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.
School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!
Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*
When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
What do you call a male robot who wants to be a girl?
A trans-former.
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
Women be like men should pay for first dates, then get mad when you do...
What do you call California during a forest fire?
Completely normal.
When you're having a normal day at school, but then...
"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks"
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
Are you the Lusitania 'cause I wanna fire a torpedo into you?
Devil: Hey angel.
Angel: Hi devil, why are you nice?
Devil: What do angels add to their food to make it a little more spicy?
Angel: What?
Devil: Angelpinos!
You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
Luckily for you, mirrors can't talk, and luckily for you, they can't laugh either.
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Babe, I'm breaking up with you.
Why? I'm turning 18 tomorrow.