You jokes
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
What do you call an Arab flying a plane?
A pilot.
You racist fuck!
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
Why did the chicken say to the football guy, "You quarter?"
My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"
Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.
Kid: Why?
Dad: So you won't get bored.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
What do you call a doctor in Panera Bread?
Panera Med.
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
What do you play Fallout 4 with low health?
You Fallout.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
What do you call suicidal Hitler?
Slitler.
Chuck Norris once took down a fence. Maybe you heard of it, the Berlin Wall.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make it clap until its parents come home.
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
"I’m coming for you two!"
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you've told her twice.