You jokes
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
Are you a red light? Because I stop every time I see you.
There were 25 cows, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
(Ten, if you count in base 13!)
You know, being a bitch is hard... but I found the person who's up for the challenge... you.
Memes
Hi 👋 I love you!
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
I did a walk today and I had to walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from home and walk walk home and I had a good time with you and walk home from home and walk walk home and I had to.
"Did you go to the biscuit eating championship?"
"Yea, it was crackers!"
Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
A Yamahahahaha!
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
Friend: You ok, man?
Me: Yea... I'll just leave myself "hangin'" tonight...
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."