You jokes
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your daddy is gay, So are you!
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.
Me: "The villain has a point, you know."
Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
How do you kill Hellen Keller?
Take her on a walk off a cliff.
You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.
Why are people disappointments? Because you are reading this.
In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths.
One youngster laboriously printed: “Do one to others as others do one to you.” —Lee Olson, The Denver Post
If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.
Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.
Why can you hit orphans?
Because they can't tell their parents.
Your hairline is so messed up, I thought a 2-year-old cut you up!
If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,
that's a big red flag!
What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?
Panera Fred.
What do you call it when Panera Bread gets painted red?
Panera Red.
What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
The NBA because all the black guys are playing.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.
Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"
Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,
But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
Say this when you answer a spam call...
"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."