You jokes
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"
The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."
The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"
The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."
If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"
The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."
WOULD YOU RATHER:
Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?
or
Drink a gallon of sperm?
If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.
"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"
Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.
Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!
Person: WTF!
Do you have a sunburn, or are you just always this hot?
Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
If you read this, you lost your v card.
Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.
And your IQ is 5.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, God made me pretty, WHAT THE FRICK HAPPENED TO YOU?
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.