You jokes
What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.
If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.
You have the rest of your life to figure it out.
What time is it when you say "bad day?"
What do you call it when the Edmonton Oilers play against the Nashville Predators? A Diddy Bowl.
How do you get 1 million followers:
{ RUN THROUGH AFRICA WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER }
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.
What do you call a fish with a temper?
Undyne.
Have you heard the Twin Tower jokes? Well, they're more down than the Twin Towers.
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
Friend: You are joking.
Me: Joking on deez nuts.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it goo!
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Guess what song this is from:
"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,
Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,
Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.
I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."
Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?
Son: No.
Dad: It hasn't come out yet.
What do you call a vegan cow?
A vegan cow. :/
OR
A regular cow. 🐄🙌
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.