You jokes

I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy.

Children are like farts.

You can only tolerate your own.

Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.

Teacher and kid.

Kid: Hey, teacher.

Teacher: Yes?

Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not.

Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!

Person 1: Hi, I am Tom, and you?

Person 2: Andrew?

Me: *posts random joke about a duck*

That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."

That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."

Bro it’s a joke...

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

[pause] You said you’d never forget.

What do you call a group of emo people?

"The Suicide Squad."

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"

What do you call intelligent people in America?

Tourists.

Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.

Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?

Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?

What do you call it when a white person beats a black person?

A KKKO.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

What do you call a disabled orphan?

A left over vegetables.

Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?

So it doesn’t explode when you’re fucking it.

Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?

Cremation.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Have you heard of the book about the transgender whale?

It’s called "Maybe Dick."

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"