You jokes
What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?
Pikachu, I choose you!
Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
What do you call it when a man wants food in Panera?
Panera bread serving food.
Ur mum—oh wait, you don't have that.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell it to clap until his/her parents are back.
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna take a bath with you.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
I: "Get a boomerang."
Type: "Why?"
Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."
Did you know about 9 months after a power outage 50% more babies are born because it is dark?
Were you born on the highway? That's where most accidents happen.
If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
Do you know the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
Do you like CDs?
There's this really cool one called "C Deez Nuts."
When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
What do you call an orphan with parents?
I don't know... what?
Kidnapped. :)