You jokes
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
If you shoot at a school of fish, could you call it a school shooting?
Memes
What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave.
Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son. Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day. 😐
Charli tries to roast me: Roses are red, violets are blue, and you look like poo.
Me: You must have been born on the highway because that's where most accidents happen.
Do you know why Jesus is so popular with the ladies??
Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this... 🤚--------🤪----------✋
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
How do you make an Indian explode?
You press the red dot.
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.