You jokes
How do you fuck a cow?
Find the nearest Karen.
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."
You sat on a chair with Uranus.
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕
Do you like CDs?
There's this really cool one called "C Deez Nuts."
You are so fat that the waiter said to you every time: "Sorry for your weight" instead of "Sorry for the wait."
Do you know what the "W" in Africa stands for? Water!
When you step on the weighing scale, it shows your phone number!
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's...
You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's.
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna take a bath with you.
Why go across town when you can go across the hall?
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
Me: Hey, do you want to meet my grandma?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
Me: *pulls out gun*
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
I: "Get a boomerang."
Type: "Why?"
Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."
Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.