You jokes
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"
The boy said, "No, I don't know."
She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"
The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"
She said to him, "No, who is she?"
He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."
The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef......haha.....no one likes my jokes.
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
What do you call a pen with no head?
DeCAPitated.
Have you ever had sex camping?
It's inTENTS.
What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?
Impossible!
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
How do you make a plumber sad?
You kill his family.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
You mom.
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."