You jokes
When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?
Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.
How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Our Deaf Friend
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word.
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."