You jokes
Me: Are you okay?
Dentist: I'm just a bit surprised. When I said to you "spit it out," I wasn't expecting you to say you've been shagging my wife.
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
What did the adopted poker player say?
"Will you raise me?"
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?
A party popper.
That's my one teacher 24/7💀
Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
My friend said, "Why do you have depression? There is so much happiness in the world." And I said, "Why do you have asthma? There is so much air in the world."
Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.