You jokes

I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."

What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.

Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.

What do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear hahaha.

Did you know that Uranus is as big as the moon?

Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.

How is smoking similar to oral sex?

The closer to the butt you get the stronger the flavor! 🤢

What song do you think was playing at the school?

"Pumped Up Kicks"

What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?

gay now, heterosexual later.

Friend 1: I don't want to jump.

Friend 2: Me neither.

Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.

Friend 1: *jumps*

Friend 2: *jumps*

Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!

Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.

What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.

What do you call a cow that eats grass?

A lawn mooer.

What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.

How do you shut Helen Keller up?

You give her mittens.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...

So I threw a carrot at her.

What do you call 2 homeless people throwing rocks at each other? "Pillow Fight!"

How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.

One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,

"What part of the dog did you get?"