You jokes

Roblox

add me in Roblox wholetthedogsoutyou1 lol who let the dogs out you you you you you?

Man

What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?

Liam Malone.

Army

What do you call an army of disabled people?

Special forces.

Baptism

Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?

I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.

Insult

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You smell like shit. And you look like it too.

Glock

Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.

Zombie

What do you call a zombie?

Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.

Woman

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

Road Trip

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”

Soviet Russia

A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

Potato Chip

Q: What do you get when you drop all your potato chips in your couch somewhere?

A: A couch potato. HaHaHa

Mom

Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.

Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....

Mom: It's a pillow fort.

Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?

Mom: You're almost 19 years old.

Me: Not good enough... OUT!

Toaster

And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and you will receive eternal life.”

But John came fifth, and he got a toaster.

Doctor

Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"

Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."