You jokes
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
What do you call a clever clock?
Clockwise.
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
What do you call a person who cares for chickens?
A chicken tender.
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
What time is it when you get home, can you walk home and walk?
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
How do you piss off a disabled person?
You put the cookie on the other shoulder.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?
-You have to be alive to have autism.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)